A/N: Trigger warning: Suicide

Not once did I think that you would do this to me, the one that I trusted the most would give me the most sorrow.You and her were the ones I trusted the most, and now this is the price I pay for  bestowing my trust upon you two. You told me you loved me and locked your lips with mine, made me feel that our love was exclusive. But then you replicated the same to her. Why?

As she entered your life, my beauty was brought into question by your eyes.The way your eyes once touched my body was magical and made me feel flawless, but now when you look at me I feel flawed. The day I first met you in the parking lot at work, your eyes were glistening with this spark inside of you. I wanted to venture in that spark. You kept on giving me signs that you weren’t the one for me, but I dismissed these red flags, because at the time I thought I needed you. I tried to impress you everyday in hopes that you would need to me like I needed you.The one day that I decided to defy the odds and do what girl aren’t supposed to do as declared by society, and ask you out. You said yes. Why?

Why did you do that? Why did you do that, when you knew that you were going hurt me? Why did you do that, knowing that you never had or will ever have authentic feelings for me? I had always felt confident and strong but as your love began to falter so did my confidence and strength. Now I stand in this bathroom with a blade in my hand questioning my decisions to love you and to overlook the way you treated me because I thought I needed you.You became an opiate to me, I knew you were bad for me, but the way you made me feel kept pulling me back to you. I felt as if you left me I would be worthless, life would be worthless. Maybe I am worthless.

As I take this blade, I wish to suppress and destroy every memory you and I ever created. As the blade pushes into my skin I think of the way you pushed yourself into my heart and destroyed me. I think of the way your soft hands would caress my body. I think of the way your face would soften into a smile every time you said ,”I love you.”. But you don’t.

You want her. You need her. I can’t be her. And now I’m going to stop trying. I’m done.

I hope when you find my body it causes you twice the pain, twice the guilt, and twice the regret. I want you to suffer. 

As the blood drips down onto the floor I feel a sense of alleviation, as if the blood leaving my body are the kisses you gave, are the fake compliments that made me feel so special. I’m free from all the lies. I’m free from the cruel deception. I’m free from the pain and the suffering. But most of all. I’m free from you.