I first saw him in my Psychology 20 class. It was the first time where I felt there was something different about him. He was a senior but I never saw him stressed. I heard many stories about him. Stories that impacted the way I’ve perceived him at first, but later were meaningless.

He didn’t talk much in class, probably because he and his friends could really care less about psychology. But every time I looked over at him, I would think, “Really? This is the guy everyone’s talking about?”, I couldn’t believe it. I never ever thought a charismatic, witty girl like me would become friends, let alone become a girlfriend, to a shy, innocent-looking boy like him.

But in the back my mind I was always wondering,”Who is he?”

But in March 2017, everything changed.

There was a really trashy high school party at the end of March. Of course, my friends and I we were beyond excited since this was going to be our first high school party. The party was so boring. There was 3 people dancing and everyone else was just sitting around. But  my girls and I made the most of our first experience by dancing our hearts out.

I would see him standing with his friends, but I didn’t pay close attention to him. My eyes were on another guy that has been staring at me for awhile. For a long time I believed that whenever something remotely pleasant happens to me it has to hurt me in some way. This proven once again at the night of the party, when I found out this guy had a girlfriend after he flirted with me.

My curfew was 11:30pm and it was almost 11:30 and I haven’t even left this party yet. As quickly as I could, I gathered up all of my friends that needed a ride and raced to my car. As I was about to put the car into reverse, I hear a knock on my window. It was one of the senior boys asking if I was alright to drive.

As I was about roll my window back up, I see him. That boy from my Psychology 20 class. I couldn’t even remember his name. I just needed to go home! But being the nice person I am, I rolled down to window again. “Hey I was wondering if I could grab a ride from you?” he asks. I was shocked. This guy has never talked to me before, has never even looked in my direction, and now he wants a ride? I felt a wave of panic hit my body. I looked at the time and then realized how full my car was getting. With guilt smeared on my face, I looked up and said “No, I’m sorry but I really have to go home.” He understood and went on his way.

As I was driving my friends home, one of my friends asked who that boy was that was asking for a ride. With a long sigh, I said, “He’s in my Psych class, I feel so bad right now.” My friend responds with,“well that’s going to be a really awkward class when we get back.”

April 2017.

It was a Casual Day Friday and we were doing presentations in class.  As I walked into class, I immediately noticed that all of my friends were absent during that block. The presentations kept going, I took a break and let my eyes wander the classroom, and that’s when I caught his eye. The same guy from the party, just staring at me. Just when I was about to turn to my friend to see if what I just saw was true, I realized again there was no one I could get confirmation from. I thought I was just seeing things, but every 5 minutes I would catch his eye again and we would look away as if it never happened. I thought maybe my makeup was messed up, or something was on my face. “He’s a senior, we’ve only talked once and it was when I rejected him a ride home, so why is he looking at me?” I thought.

May 2017.

I had a Psychology test the next day, so I was powering through my notes. I would be lying if I said he never crossed my mind ever since April. But I would always push thoughts about him away. I couldn’t allow myself to be disappointed again. I couldn’t allow someone intoxicate my mind or my heart.

My phone screen lights up and the snapchat notification reads, “Josh has added you as a friend!”. Without hesitating, I add him back. A second later he messages and it reads, “Do you have the psych notes?”. A month later, I found out this boy is the funniest, most caring, and genuine person I have ever met and he is last person that would ever become poisonous to me.

Also, it turned out he wanted me more than he wanted the notes.